6.26.2005

Ben Singer

As the obvious, hands down winner of 'Blogwars 2005', I would like to thank... me. Me, for being as above all this as I could be. Me for being so poetic and soul wrenching, yet hilariously witty. Me for not resorting to name calling, blog-whoring or qutting (I quit before this started, then succumbed to peer pressure and a couple of pretty faces and un-quit 3 days later). Me for trying to mediate the process and in the end, looking like a really reasonable guy. Me, for being Obi-Wan Kenobi to Chaz's Anakin, Herman's Chewie, and Dave's combination of Han Solo and a really angry, angry man. Bristling with rage. And pine cones.

I would also like to thank my insomnia for keeping me up enough hours of the day to have time for all this crap, and chasing Chaz around to all the blogs he's managed to piss off. And thank the reason for my insomnia, hopefully I'll have told you who you are by the time this goes up on Miranda's site. Of course, thank you Miranda, for being the weapons manufacturer to Chaz, Herman, and Dave's United States, Korea and Soviet Russia, not in that order, you can really mix it up. Actually, Chaz should be whichever's bigger, Dave whichever's angrier, and Herman whichever's further in the closet. Oh, and we're never letting Herman live that one down.

Love,

The Benjamin D. Singer Blogging Experience for the Ladies

13 comments:

A Cranky Old Jew said...

So, like, uh, did he win? Or is that just his essay, and you're posting them one at a time to tease us like when I pay that girl who stands outside the Costco to come back to a hotel room and drip hot wax all over my body and then she asks me for like 50 bucks, but I only have 30 on me, so she leaves me tied to the bedposts until I finally gnaw my way through the soiled undergarments she used as restraints and I call the cops on that whore.

What was I talking about again?

I'm going with the obvious conclusion that he didn't win, because I know you're above that level of bullshit. And 'cause we're soulmates. And you shouldn't piss off your soulmates; we have powers. Eeeeeeeeeerie powers!

Much love,
Fromstein

Milkshake said...

Fromstein--yes. we are soulmates. Also--READ THE LAST POST. They are all being posted a day apart in the order I got them.
And why is that chick always at Costco? Like, I never see her at Safeway or anything.
--M

A Cranky Old Jew said...

Why haven't you changed the fookin' comment date format yet? Please don't make me summon the wrath of Moses; he's cranky when you wake him up.

Much love,
Fromstein'
(that makes it look like "fromste" is a verb, as in, "ya, I totally fromsted that girl last night," and I'm ust sittin' at home, chillin', fromstein'.)

Chaz said...

I thought we weren't supposed to take shots at people in these paragraphs.

Whatever, it's not like I care, being the United States and what not. But is it really that good to be a country? I am not so sure if I want to be a huge land mass that can only move a few centimetres in a year. Also, I don't want the hundreds of millions of obese Americans and slender foreigners stepping on me all the time.

Hmmm, maybe I'll just cut off my right ear (California), and send all those snobs into the ocean (Miranda).

Chaz out.

A Cranky Old Jew said...

Left ear, Chaz. Left ear. I used to have trouble remembering which side was right and which was left too, so my grade 3 teacher taught me a trick. If you stick out your Left hand and point your thumb and forefinger (that's the one you pick your nose with) in perpindicular directions, it forms an, you guessed it, L.

Now, you probably will, as I would, try to argue that you meant the right ear simply because you imagined, for a terrific reason, I'm sure, that America is looking outwards into the nothingness of space, rather than inwards, like it does on all the maps. But, once we admit to America being a hobo, there is an interesting postulate I wish to propose: if I may use the many bums that live within America as an example, bums tend to enjoy warming their hands over trash-can fires rather than staring out into the blank expanse of space that has seemingly turned its back on them, so they shall do the same. And, for all intents and purposes, the molten iron core of the Earth is pretty much the biggest trashcan fire within lightyears.

Much love,
Fromstein

Thaozee said...

How does the winner get chosen? Whats the criteria? The person who came out with haymakers swinging? or the person who chose to subtley mind ream the others? Or the person who lacked imagination, which has posts that consisted of 'shit' and 'fuck' in alternating sequences? Or how about the witty lyrical word spitter, armed to the 'bagoojies' with dictionaries and thesaurus's in the languages of spanish, french and spanish again (just in case).
Nice post Mr. Aquamarine. Although, everytime I see your sig, I think of a dodgy cabaret show in Las Vegas where your winking at middle aged ladies and flashing your 'bling'. You seedy bastard, you..

Herman said...

Once again, Ben has proven he can write angsty, homophobic ramblings without actually proving a point.

I award him no points.

But since I'm not a judge, I'll just push him off a bridge.

A Cranky Old Jew said...

Here's an idea that doesn't suck, 'Randy. Make the title of each post a link to our respective blogs (because doctors now say that only 30% of Americans [albeit 80% of Canadians]) get their daily dosage of linkage.

Much love,
Fromstein

Herman said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Herman said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Herman said...

Oh, PS, I have a really good idea for what the verb "Fromsteined" can mean. Dave probably has a good idea of what it is.

comment deleted. said...

This post has been rejected by the viewer's sense of decency before it was even fully formed. i am so glad to be a judge, oh. this shall be fun.

smellykaakaa said...

Clearly the Soviet Union is bigger than the United States. But whatever.