The Amazing Metaphorical Break-Up

"Hey, glad you could be here. Do you want anything to drink? Coffee? Beer?"

"No, I'm fine. My stomach hurts. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, for the most part. You? I mean--your stomach..."

"Yeah, I'm cool. You look beautiful."

"Uh...thanks. Yeah."

"Yeah, my co-workers are all still talking about how hot you looked at my birthday party. They're all like, 'nice work Anderson!'"

"Yeah, uh...tell Eric hi for me. Anyway, I mean...you did get my message, right?"

"Yeah. No, I mean, it's fine. I love you. We can work this out. Miranda, look at me--it's me. How much time do you need? Wait, what are you doing?"

"What are you doing? Do you understand at all?"

"Understand what?"

"Clifford, listen. Me--and my girlfriends. My girlfriends and I...we're like..."


"I'm sorry."

"What do they have to do with me? You're making excuses."

"No!! I'm not--this is serious. Listen, were like...puzzle pieces. They and I; they're important to me. Very important to me, and when one of us is seeing someone it's important that they fit. With all of us. You know?"

"So you're saying I've been dating not only you, but your girlfriends? That's fucking stupid. I can't beleive I'm hearing this. Miranda, I expected..."

"What, you expected some kind of perfect fucking girlfriend? Well, in case you didn't realize before: I'M NOT FUCKING PERFECT. I never pretended to be--in fact I flat out warned you. I FLAT OUT WARNED YOU! I didn't know what I was doing, and I told you that! And how did you respond? By telling me you loved me! LOVED ME. And now? What--you just want take-backs on love? THERE ARE NO TAKE-BACKS ON LOVE! I don't not love you, but I can't be like this with you--all of this kissy kissy PDA sensitive bullshit social what have you crap. It's not for me. Not my steez."

"Fine. Whatever. I can do that. Come on, MIranda..."

"...and I can't sleep with you anymore. Ever. Ever."

"Wait, then you're just breaking up with me? Just like that?"

"Clifford, you and I are fantastic. Were like strands...of a rope. You know? We can be so strong together, but our ends are beginning to fray. The knot is coming untied. Can't you feel it? You can't be happy like this. Look at us. I mean, I'm not happy, anyway. I want my puzzle piece--you know? I want what's right, what's fair."

"Oh really. And what makes you think this perfect guy wants you? You're some slutty headcase with an apparently very short attention span. Wake up Miranda--nobody wants that. You can't just do whatever you want--running through your life walking all over people, using people at your own will. Nobody who would 'fit' into your psycho-girl puzzle would want you. It'll never happen. You just lost a beautiful thing in me. I never hurt you, I never judged you..."

"Fuck you."

"...I never--what? Did you just say 'Fuck you'?"

"FUCK YOU!! That not fucking true! I've already..."


"...I mean, I just..."

"Oh fuck. There's somebody else. And when did this happen? Some guy you picked up at some bar? You don't even know him, do you? And what makes you think he feels the same way? You're such a silly fucking girl. You're acting ridiculous. Why don't you just take some time and then call me..."

"That's not true; it's different this time! Fuck you! FUCK YOU! I know--I know. I'm sure 'cause..."

"Oh really? How do you fucking know Miranda?"



"No, you're wrong. We're getting back together, and it's going to be better. Much better."

"Huh. You're stupider than I thought if you believe that. He doesn't love you."

"No Anderson. He doesn't. He hasn't had the opportunity to find out if he could or not. I don't need Quinn to love me."

"Did you just call me Anderson?"



~PhoenixRising said...

That's hardcore. I hope our breakup isn't like that. Though, I mean, we're never going to break up.


Sam said...


Now is that actually the way it went, or is this the worst-case scenario of your procrastinating mind playing out on your blog? Or is THAT just me projecting my own procrastination onto you? Honestly, the only thing wrong in it in my mind is that I picture this conversation happening over the counter at your job... that you don't have anymore...


PS. Apparently too much vitamin C can get you high - at least when your head is lacking oxygen due to being too full of snot. Damn I hate being sick. I do like the self-image of my utter patheticness, however - picture me having a coughing fit while on the way to Ian's kitchen for more Emergen-C, doubling over, then actually ROLLING ON THE FLOOR, coughing up what sounds like body parts and turns out to be - nothing. It really shoudln't be that way, after something that dramatic, that scares both of us and makes us laugh, I should at least produce something, like a Pez dispenser, or that long lost red Bic, or something...

Milkshake said...

hahaha! Coughing up a bic lighter...that's creepy. Yeah, this is my imaginary scenario--but it's actually kind of best case rather than worse. Oops.

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