1.19.2006

When it Rains: Troubleshooting

Like synchronized periods, I swear women all seem to have problems all at the same time.
Right after getting off the phone with Sam this morning, I returned a phonecall to Sarah who happened to be in tears. I hightailed it to Lower Haight Immediately.

To answer your question, yes, everything is okay now. Sarah is fine, but there was some time today when she wasn't quite sure if it was going to be. So, here is what I've decided--before everyone starts freaking out and crying all over the place for what may turn out to be no reason (this mostly applies to myself), we should all read this next passage, know that it is true, and re-evaluate. Then, when you're sure everything is fine, then call your girlfriends and have them tell you that exact thing that you already figured out but couldn't actually admit until she said it to you. I guess this kind of troubleshooting is innefectual and in actuality serves virtually no purpose, but maybe, just maybe, it will help at least me. This is something I told Sam yesterday and why she called me this morning.

Yes, that is what girlfriends are for--but not because we want to gloss over things, it's because we are not quite so short sighted.
When Jen or I say something like "It'll all be all right", we don't neccesarily mean that things will go as you hope, we mean that it wont matter because we will still love you more than we ever thought it possible to love someone.
Yes, you might have to go through Chemo. Yes, you might not be able to have kids, yes, You and Ian's relationship might have an endpoint--but the truth is that none of us know. What I mean when I can promise you that "everything will be okay" is that if your hair falls out, I will shave mine too. It means that I will go with you to Cambodia or China to help you adopt a child. Mostly, it means that probably none of that will have to happen. It means that we love you and yes, it will all be okay, though it may not be perfect in the way that you see perfection right now.
When Ian wont give you a prettier picture of events, it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you or want the best for you--or even actually think that everything wont be fine--most likely he's just scared. The immediate future is not very promising, no. It's all very uncertain and scary and I'm sure, just like you, he's looking for some answers. He loves you. I love you.

We fixed the wall, everything will be okay.


Addendum to New Years Resolution List:
7. I will always remember how fortunate I am that all of my best girlfriends have at least a pair of metaphorical clippers if not actual ones, and they are always ready to wield them at a moments notice.
--M

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