"Take ten for lifebooks."

After further perusal of my eighth grade notebooks, I have decided that I'm totally not done talking about them.

I can't quite tell if I intended them to be as funny as they are now when I (and Meg, Jono, Rosanne, Mike W., etc...) wrote them, but I'm guessing not. Such is the magic of time--it takes the day to day life of a twelve year old and turns it into comedic gold. Oh my god, some of this stuff made me do the following:
1. Laugh out loud
2. Pee my pants
3. Have cheap white wine squirt out of my nose

I've picked my top five favorite entries to share just in case you're curious as to what I was like when I was twelve and thirteen. Also, I've added some beautiful pictures that I drew to share with you as well. Keep in mind this is TOTALLY REAL. Enjoy.

1. Oh my god, 31 hours and 50 minutes. That's how much longer until the Pearl Jam Concert and Caleb's not even going! Oh my God! Megan and Lauren are going to the one tonight, but they don't have general admission either, so none of us can mosh. That sucks. Too bad Shena's not going, that would be hella fun. Brent will be there, but I'm mad at him anyway. Whatever. Karisa and Jane are coming over and then we're all going together. Oh my god! I have to do laundry cause all my flannels are dirty and I want to wear the brown one.
[The next entry expounds on how awesome the concert was and how Karisa, Jane and I were standing in the back row with lighters lit chanting "FUCK YOU CLOWN" during Glorified G.]

2. Oh my god, this substitute is retarded. She asked us what we wanted to listen to during lifebooks, so Willie put on Vs. Yes! This rocks! Pearl Jam during lifebooks! Lauren's hair looks hella stupid. Oh my god, Patrick Edwards is all "this rock alternative stuff is stupid!" and "this is Beavis and Butthead music" and all this stuff. At least it's better than that crap Becker always puts on. Super Suck Music. I hate SSM. It fucking sucks!
[This one is the funniest things I've ever read in my life. From now on, when I'm at a bar and someone's like: "hey, what kind of music do you listen to?" I'm gonna be all like "Oh, you know. Mostly SSM. The early stuff anyway. The later stuff is a little derivative."]

3. Mike and Megan are trading pencils. Mr. Becker is talking about Francis Bacon, but Willie, Megan and Mike are talking about [another kid in our class] Francis Yoshida. I'm just writing in my lifebook and wishing Mr. Becker would shut up instead of yelling at Megan to behave. I wonder why Caleb doesn't talk to me more in 2nd and 3rd period? Probably cause of that bitch Melinda. Whatever. I like Pearl Jam way more than her. Oh my god, I want the new Pearl Jam album for my birthday hella bad. Thank god I'm turning thirteen, I hate being twelve in the eighth grade. Everyone's hella older than me. Oh my god, If I don't get that album, I'm gonna die. SERIOUSLY, I'M GONNA DIE.
[also note: Thank god Meg got that album for me for my birthday, because apparently, I wouldn't be alive today had she not.]

4. Hi. Today I'm writing inside a Chili Pepper's symbol again. Let's just say I'm really bored. Megan still has green hair and I wish she would go to Garfield but she wont. She went to this thing for Northwest yesterday and now she's gonna go there and that fucking sucks and that place fucking sucks. Man, fuck private school.
[also note: Megan didn't even end up going to Northwest, but rather it was I, Miranda "Fuck Private School" Moure that ended up going there. Funnily enough, I got a scholarship from Pearl Jam. However, I still contend that "that place fucking sucks"]

5. Hi. I'm writing in my lifebook again. I just wrote a nasty letter to Mr. Becker and I'm gonna give it to him and I'm gonna laugh. I'M GONNA LAUGH because he needs a brain and I know where he can get one. Now he's yelling at Megan and telling her to go out into the hall because he says she's disrupting the class. Whatever, I didn't see her do anything except tell Mr. Becker to shut the hell up cause she was listening to Ten on my walkman and he kept talking.
[also note: the next entry starts, "Goddamnit, Mr. Becker sent me into the fucking hall again. Why is he always doing that?"]

Also, just for shits and giggles, here are the top five quotes that other people wrote in my notebooks.

"Ross sucks so bad. Keep that in mind for future reference." --Megan
"Miranda, your grade in Jour[i]naling has gone from an "A" to an "E". You need to catch up in class and spend less time passing notes with your friends." --Bob Becker
"Hi, this is Jono and I have nothing better to do than to write in MyRandy's lifebook. Not! Pearl Jam RULES!" --Jonathan
"The book that changed my life was 'Big Max the Detective'. It made me realize the extreme sadness that the king of Pooka Pooka land must have felt when his elephant disappeared." --Megan

And just in case you hadn't realized yet, PEARL JAM RULES. Although in an earlier post I said that 10%-15% of the entries were about Pearl Jam, upon further review I'm now thinking it's more like an even half. In my defense, there are also 12 Chili Peppers stars and several mentions of Nirvana, like that part where I'm all "omigod Pearl Jam is so much awesomer than Nirvana." I never actually said that.


Queer Comandeer said...

I think the hot new defamatory statement this season is bound to be:

"Whatever. I like Pearl Jam way more than her."

Milkshake said...

Hahaha! Totally. My favorite is: "Whatever, I didn't see her do anything except tell Mr. Becker to shut the hell up cause she was listening to Ten on my walkman and he kept talking."

Anonymous said...



i love 13-year-old us very much.