The Best Friends Club

In third grade, my girlfriends and I started a club called, originally enough, The Best Friends Club. This club was comprised of every girl in Mrs. Alsdorf's class--Lauren Kehl (President and co-fopunder), Me (Vice President and co-founder), Lauren Rogers, Alicia Wright, Sarah Lukhang (who I went to highschool with and never talked to), Rachel Lipsky (I think), Rachel Schwartz (dude, I think the Rachel's were in our club, but I totally can't remember...), and...um, OH! Dude, Jessica Folks. Oh, I think I'm totally forgetting someone...

Okay, the point is that I fucking hated almost every single one of those bitches. Not really because they were mean, or dumb, or what have you--but they just weren't my steeze. We barely even talked in middle school (for more info on me in middle school, see my April archives).

The point is that we started that club for the most fucked up reason of all time--because Lauren Kehl thought I would turn out to be a lesbian if I kept hanging out with a bunch of boys like Fritz Schoughlin, Jono Green, Mike Waggoner, Brian Chaffin, Reed Laughlin, and of course, Willie Braden.

Well, I turned out to be no more or less of a lesbian than Lauren, but I'm dammed sure that it wasn't me who jumped through a plate glass window high on speed and got called "Windows 95" all year. Oh, and I don't have a kid. I am such a dirty rumor spreader--but whatever. Meg told me this like...ten years ago, and it's still in the top 50 funniest stories I've ever heard list.


p.s.--Hey Will.


Thaozee said...

Windows 95 is fucken gold!

I don't remember much from from grade 3 cept throwing pebbles into my red headed teacher's afro. She couldn't work out what was happening. The strange thing is I'm still best mates with my friends from grade 3. And I'm 22. Cept one guy who's name was Jason Chan.

Thaozee said...

There was a guy in highschool that joined at bout year 11 or 12. At a party e fell through a glass sliding door and was so freaked out that he ran home, which if I rememebr was a fair distance.

In hindsight I shoulda called him windows 95....

Milkshake said...


lauren said...

I really don't think I thought you were going to become a lesbian. I may be wrong, but I think I would have remembered a reason like that. But who knows. All those drugs have obviously adled my brains

mayamoodybabydoomayam@gmail said...

good lord, I'm just happy to see that Lauren is alive. She has haunted my dreams for many years.... I am not kidding in the least.


And Miranda Myricks, thanks for the flashback to my childhood (nevermind that I was across the hall that year). Sometimes I wonder if it ever happened.