Ex-Boyfriend/Ex-Boyfriend Minus Penis/Penis [now with 30% more Cakes/Cake]

Cakes Mr. No Rules, Taken in the womens bathroom at Bauhuas 5.28.06, Pine and Melrose, Seattle.

Title supplied by Samantha Oldfield. This is the type of shit that comes out of our mouths, which brings me to a very important topic of conversation: My Family. Never met them? Let me give you a quick rundown.

My Mom
Jill Bauer

My Wives:
Samantha Oldfield
Jennifer Gerking
Crystal Wren

My Husbands:
Peter Counts
Peter Smith

My Girls:
Lauren Morlock
Amanda Dellinger
Carrie Wilhelme
Sally Schwed
Melinda Buhl
Radost Pavlova

My Boys:
Edwin Wilhelme
David Hodson
Aaron Gerking
Robert Scheppy
Ron Almgren
Meir Hurwitz

and? And this is just the short version. Just who I can think of off the top of my head right now.

We are not perfect. We're messed up and beautiful and clumsy and drunk and I love us. All of us together, and I love that we fight for that through all of our miles and mistakes.

I talked to Sam today. Told her about all the crying this week. You know what she said?

"Miranda, you know, our family: we're just not like that. We don't have all this propriety and rules: we just try to do good stuff and we don't judge each other--so there's never any harm in any of us knowing everything about each other. I don't mean to start some kind of nomad pity party--but man, our real families are all fucked. Why would we want to ruin the one we have with all of these secrets and bullshit and drama--we already fight for each other hard enough. We don't need more to fight about."

Samantha noted how Peter and I were married, but we're not like boyfriend/girlfriend.
"It's like how we're married, but you know, we're not like boyfriend/girlfriend. You know?" I laughed at this.
"Well, I should sure hope we're not boyfriend/girlfriend 'cause your boobs are too big to hide so I'd end up being the boy." She laughed at this.
"I meant like girlfriend/girlfriend. 'Cause you don't have a penis and I don't have a penis so if we were boys then we'd have to be boyfriend/boyfriend minus penis/penis."
"Whatever. Don't put your gender issues on me, bitch! That's it! We are breaking up. We are sooo not boyfriend/boyfriend minus penis/penis anymore."

And what happens when our [Addams?] family values collide with more traditional ones?

There are rules, Mr. No Rules. Get them apologies. Try to hear. Offer your heart. Give them Cake.
And as Nicholas is always so apt to point out, you can't order people to say please and thank you. You must say Please first. And then Thank You.

1 comment:

Sam said...

Sweet twins list!

Some of the entries are missing the first letter, and I added Surgery Scars to mine...