Yeah, yeah. I know. You're used to reading my blog, and you think you know what it's about.

It's not about that.

What I'm saying today is that sometimes when you feel the most down, the most disenfranchised and the most alone, a little three-way is all you need. I refer, of course, to a three-call; specifically with Samantha and Jennifer.

The topic of conversation today? Oh, you know.

M: "I feel like a fucking moron."
S: "You are a fucking moron."
J: "Hahahaha! Oh wifey."
S: "Come on, I mean, why? That's dumb. And I mean, it's not like it wouldn't have happened eventually anyway."
M: "Tru dat, homes. You're right; I know. But I'm fucking sick of this! Seriously--guys? Seriously. I'm beginning to feel like there's something intrinsically deniable about me."
J: "Hahahahaha!"
S: "Yeah, I second Jen. That's dumb, and you know it."
M: "Well...what about Gabe?"
J: "Gabe? Who the fuck..."
S: "You mean the Rev? The Rev? That was like a grillion years ago."
J: "Omigod...Gabriel? That was like...two years ago."
M: "Yeah, and Gavin still talks about it. It's one of those cult classic stories like...'oh hey guys, member that time when Miranda threw herself at The Rev and got flat out denied?' That's what I'm saying. Witnesses."
J: "They only tell that story 'cause it never happens. They tell it 'cause that was the one time that ever happened."
M: "..."
S: "I got the awesomest couch today."
M: "Really?"
S: "Yeah, it's brown and old and it folds into a bed. It's super hot and awesome. I freakin' love it. Oh, and Ian's being a dick."
J: "What? I thought you guys broke up?"
S: "We did, but also we kind of did it the other night, and now we're broken up plus doing it."
M: "Minus penis."
S+J: "Hahahahaha!"
M: "Wait...so, are you guys going to get back together?"
S: "No. But I'm just not interested in trying to find more sex on the regular. I've had it for so long and now getting different sex seems like too much fucking work."
J: "I hate you. I don't even have sex on the familiar."
M: "I have sex on the familiar, but not very regularly. Also, I think it's too familiar. It's great but..."
J: "There are no fucking buts, Miranda. Just do it. As often as possible."
S: "Yeah dude."
M: "For reals, though. I'm serious. It's like...what if I do find that ever illusive 'sex on the regular', and what if that comes with monogamy? And then what will that conversation sound like when I'm all like 'yeah, we can't do it anymore'. That seems so callous to say to a friend of yours."
S: "Whatever."
J: "You're too sensitive."
M: "Am not."
S: "Are too, are too!"
J: "That's okay--my north node's in Cancer so I feel ya. No really--it's like, okay. First and foremost we're friends. And then we're also doing it. So there's like...no natural end point that isn't callous--like, it might be bad. The two are kind of one in the same and indicitavely callous--like..."
S: "Like whatever."
J: "Right."
M: "Yeah, you guys are totally right."
J: "I need to get laid. But I'm on my fucking period and because and yet despite the fact that Mike and I broke up, we don't do it and finding a doing it buddy seems complicated. I might have to shave. Shaving is fucking dead to me."
M: "Boys are dead to me."
S: "Well, this couch is definitely not dead to me. Oh, but um...Oh! 'Kay--work is dead to me."
M: "Yeah totally. Let's make a list of everything that's dead to us."
J: "Yeah! Like boys who cry in closets and..."
M: "And sleep on bunkbeds and..."
S: "And move to Denver and...
J: "And sleep with other chicks while we're going out and..."
M: "And ask me out for Margaritas via e-mail and..."
S: "Act like children! Yes! All of those things are so dead to me."
J: "Here, here."
M: "Let's do this once a week. Every Thursday."
J: "Thursday's good for me. Sam?"
S: "Yeah totally. At 2:00 or so."
J: "Dope. We can think of more stuff that's dead to us every week."
M: "Solid."
J: "Hey, has anyone talked to Davey?"



the wife said...

Oh my GOD we are so funny. I love you. Oh and by the way, shaving is so dead to me that it's mummified and tucked away in a tomb gaurded by a few curses and never to be found. Ever.

~PhoenixRising said...

OMG no NO-ONE HAS TALKED TO DAVEY! HE IS STUCK IN THE SWELTERING HEAT OF ORLANDO. He was last spotted pulling into a McDonald's after rocking a party until 6am FIERCE and finding out that, yes, while it is GENERALLY a bad move, it can also be beneficial to pickup a gatorade and sausage biscuit when it reaches a point where such times are necessary, mainly 6 am on a sunday.

Miss yah, I'll holler sometime soon.