The Breakfast Club

So there is a Starbucks across the street from my work and there is a boy who works there and that boys’ name is Andrew.

Andrew is HOT. I mean like ridiculously and absolutely picture perfect black hair and cryin’ in a closet HOT. I kinda had a crush on him…and then I found out that he’s only 20 years old. No. That wont work at all. That’s way not right.
But oh well, right? He’s still awesome, and we’ve been known to share many a smoke ‘round Union Street way.

It doesn’t really matter anyway—I shouldn’t be…dating [what was I supposed to say?] boys like that anyway. I don’t like being all, you know: “matchie-matchie” with boys. There should never be a time where a boy rolls over to me in bed and says “Omigod, I have a skeleton tattooed on my lower back too! Do you listen to The Decemberists?”

No. That won’t work at all. That’s way not right.

I’m looking for my Steve. OH! Even better pop culture metaphor—my Emilio Estevez. There you go—I want my pretty troubled jock that swoops this tattooed freak off her feet and plants her squarely in his Camaro. Sweet.

On that note, I have indeed entered into the most fulfilling relationship I’ve been in lately. That’s right everyone, Emma and I are doing splendidly. Just in case there are any troubled jocks reading this, I’ll tell you what’s inside her. FYI: Emma is my new handbag.

Two tampons.
A toothbrush.
Four Kimono Special condoms.
A contact case with an uppercase ‘M’ written on the top of each lid.
A bottle of Motrin® IB with four tablets left in it.
A Vicodin that was not prescribed to me.
A half used bottle of BiorĂ©® Shine Control Moisturizing Lotion (it balances and controls).
A black pen.
A spiral notebook bearing a sticker Nicholas gave me.
Contact solution.
My Bvlgari glasses (in matching black embossed leather case).
A $25 gift card to Barnes and Noble.
A Kinko’s© card with $3.14 left on it.
My ID (from the Sunshine State).
One of my clients’ phone numbers written on a square yellow Post-It™ and folded in half.
A digital camera.
19 bobby pins.

There is no black eyeliner.


~PhoenixRising said...

Dude, when did the walkmen drop a new album? I must have been sleeping for a LONG time or something... It's like they're the Young Jeezy of rock...

Milkshake said...

Dude. Out of the cave. Now.