“My keys, my car, my vagina, my business.”

You probably got the email yesterday.

Just in case you didn’t, I saw the absolute funniest Open Letter ever on McSweeneys.net. Seriously. The funniest one I’ve ever seen. Some excerpts:

“Delightfully, I have not only a love for the scientific method but also a demonstrable paranormal skill! I have the ability to control men's minds with my vagina.”

“Volunteers should be male, heterosexual, and unknown to me, and should have at least $5 on their person. Each volunteer will be assigned to a group: ‘vagina’ or ‘no vagina’.”

“I predict that volunteers in visual proximity of my vagina will be at least 50 percent more likely to comply than those separated from my vagina by a leaden barrier.”

Even funnier was the quality and variety of responses I received from people. In the order I received them:

"Yes! That is so fucking great!"
--Jennifer Gerking

"Perfect. And it's a damn good thing she's a meat eater, dontcha' think? Maybe that's the next test: Veggie Burgers. Sushi wouldn't count. They'd call that "guilt by association"...Thanks for the spammosity, M."
--Mark Effinger

"Yeah, just finished reading that. So funny because it's so true."
--Nicholas Mathisen

"Dude I love you so much for making my day better. And it is now my #1 all-time open letter, displacing An Open Letter To My Husband's Ex-Wife's Fake Breasts. Give me the goods, BCT."
--Mark Huntsman

"Whoa...that sounds just like your vagina."
--Peter Counts

"Omigod! Yes! You know how much I love vaginas!"
--Sarah Ehrlich

But don't we all love vaginas? I mean really?

Finishing up "Muses" right now. It's absolutely beautiful. I love it. Nay--I am in love with it.
Starting on "Comrades" today--and I'd like to thank Shaun Dunn and this magnificent open letter for the premise...nay, the device to finally tell this story. On that note, I finally understand what's been goin' on in the past few months, and would like to apologize to a number of you out there--namely my male friends. I'm sorry for shoving what I assumed to be your lack of control down all of your throats lately. I thought it was your fault--come to find out, it's just my vagina.


~PhoenixRising said...

I just didn't respond cause I'm a boo head, but it was a hilarious open letter...

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