Revenge Is a Beer Best Served Cold: part 2

That fucking little bitch is lucky she's only 14.

I gotta hand it to her though--she seems to have marketed her ass off in the brief time she was granted cellular freedom by way of my fucking phone--BECAUSE ALL OF HER JOHN'S KEEP CALLING ME.
At first I was pretty cool with handling all of Gabby's ex customers, but my responses to the question "Is Gabby there?" have gotten progressively more vindictive. Here are some examples in order of a couple weeks ago until now.

"No, I'm really sorry. My name is Miranda and I have a real job."

"Listen, I don't know Gabby, and I believe you when you say that she gave you this number. Unfortunately, this is my phone, and I'm not a 14 year old hooker. In fact, I'm not a hooker at all, just a 26 year old girl with a lot of problems."

"Look asshole, quit fucking calling me, and trust me when I say that I can get a lot done with a phone number that you have chosen not to block, a computer, and a butcher knife. Seriously. Don't go to sleep tonight."

"All right fucker; THAT'S IT. I have fucking had it. You know, as much as I'd like to sit on the phone and wax moronic about your penchant for pedophilia and mine for curbing your sick ass, I think we would both be better served if you got arrested and I got some therapy. But seriously though, I know where you live and I've seen where you sleep; and therepy aside, I'd love to wrap my hands around your scrawny little neck, drag you from that bare mattress on the floor you call a bed, strip you naked and rape you with a broomstick while my best friend Mindy kicks you in the head repeatedly. Do you have any idea how many tattoo's we have between us? Yeah, that means we might just kill you."

I mean, you know. Hypothetically. I would never actually say any of that. Well, not like...exactly word for word.

I never said the word 'penchant'.

Well, since I don't actually know where any of these assholes live, and I have not in actuality seen where they sleep, I decided on a tried and true form of wicked tricky mischevious vengeance.

And what are they gonna do...Sue me?


They just keep calling me and calling me and calling me and calling me...

So what if the tables were turned? Wanna find out? Yeah, so did I. Hahaha.

Go ahead, click on the title of this post, and know that there are more pending. "Carlos" (who's real name is Ignacio) will have quite the interesting next 7 days, especially because he doesn't have the capacity in english to figure out why his phone is ringing off the hook for what will be to him, no reason. Hahaha.



p.s.--Please god, listen this time. I mean, I said this when that Pizza place down the street fucked up my order last year, and no one listened; apparently. But for reals and for serials: DON'T PISS ME OFF. I am so serial right now. All I have done lately is be right and get my way. It is both scary and beautiful. To me, it is mostly beautiful. Finally.

No comments: