3.06.2007

Further proof that what's in my bed should stay in my bed.

From: tONE
Date: 05 Mar 2007, 16:42


Howdy. Good show coming up.
Friday 3/9
Form and Fate (headline)
the Aimless Never Miss
Silian Rail (open)
$5 21+
9pm
that is all


05 Mar 2007, 23:24
Subject: RE: Form and Fate @ House of Shields
Body: Regrettably, I will not be able to attend. It seems my band, Milkshake and the Unruly Trainwrecks will be playing an impromtu show at the Daly City Bowling Alley THAT SAME NIGHT! It seems we got alot of media attention as of late mostly due to our lead guitarist Mindizzle Blackheart (also known as your girlfriend) and her innovations in shredding guitar with her brastrap. Also it seems our live show is quite marketably titilating due to our lead singer, Lolita Queenstown's engaging upsidown-pole tricks during the hook of our new hit single, "I'm On iTunes, Bitch!!". Me? Well, I'm just the bassist which we all know doesn't count.
--M

If I've said it before, I've said it a grillion times: the bassist doesn't count.
Total bassists to date? Hmmm...let me get my list real quick.

1. Austin. But he was also more of a singer songwriter [read: he did the guitar thing, too.] Haha, he ws the first guy I ever slept with with tourettes. If you ever get the chance, ask me that story. It's a great one involving twelve egg ommelettes, Vitamin Water, hangovers of epic proportions, my ex-boyfriend John, his bandmate Johnathan, and my weed dealer from highschool. Kyle Eberle makes an appearance in this story, as well as Gavin and some guy named "Jay" who I don't even really know, but somehow makes it into a lot of Seattle stories.

2. Duncan. Okay, now before I say anything, I'll use the same defense I used the following morning: it was my birthday. Also, I got in a fight with my singer/songwriter ex Matthew that night, and I was a little...well, quite frankly I was wasted. I guess I just couldn't help sleeping with my girlfriend's dad's best friend and bandmate after seeing him on stage that night. I am however sorry that he was married.

3. Theodore. Now, I actually don't know for a fact that he played the bass, but I think he did; meaning, that's how I remember it. Maybe I just don't want that one to count considering I picked him up at a bar across town from the bar I had made out with him initially two weeks previously but unfortunately had blocked out initial make-out-session due to...what else? Drunkenness. The tattoo's finally gave me away, specifically the Soul Coughing one. On a side note: Theodore was the first person I slept with after recovering from scabies that were so graciously given to me by the lead singer of Rooster Boy and the Riders of the Apocalypse. That too is a fantastic story.

So...four Bassists out of how many total musicians? Okay, I know it's not my office day, but let's run some numbers.

Coming in at 21, the number of musicians I've slept with is just under 26% of the total. Of those, only 4 were bassists and so comprising only 19% of the musicians, and a mere 5% of the total. Comparitively, even lead singers when excluding singer/songwriters (I'm talkin' in a band) garner higher numbers, at 5 for 24% and 6% respectively. Of the remaining 12 people on this list, six were drummers and 5 played guitar, but were either not lead singers, or played solo. There was only ever one who was up to the task of merely singing lead vocals--and in a very Ramone's-esque turn of events, he lost me to his lead gutarist.

Go figure.

What I'm saying is that the bassist totally does not count.

Except for that guy from Fall Out Boy.

--M

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