For Angelica: This one's so good.

Found this on a friend's you-know-what, then I changed the name of the platform and then added an additional five of my own to the end. Enjoy.

Down for a survey

1. You're seriously in debt to the Armenian mob. For some weird reason they'll forgive the debt if you kill one of your top eight. Who do you kill?
My blog top eight? Bengt. Definitely Bengt.

2. What Blogger friend knows the REAL you best?
If you mean naked me, then Nicholas.

3. Describe a typical Sunday for you:
Wake up hungover, go home, shower, and try to be at work by eleven.

4. Any odd routines you follow when you wake up?
I have to drink coffee. Lots of coffee.

5. If alcohol was banned worldwide, what would your reaction be?
"Oh my god...FUCK! Now all the retards I fuck will actually be retarded!"

6. When was the last time you cried?
On New Years when I got attacked.

7. Your CD collection is going to be repossessed. You may keep one.
Ryan Adams, Gold.

8. Do you believe world peace is possible?

9. I'm a genie. Name your wish. (Money and Love cannot be granted).
A free apartment on top of the Castle building on Geary.

10. Name one thing about the OPPOSITE sex that automatically turns you off:

11. Name one thing about the SAME sex that automatically turns you off of friendship.
"This album is from like...the 90's or something. Why do you still listen to it?"

12. Speaking of SAME sex, what do you think of Brokeback Mountain?
I would fuck either one of them.

13. What popular phrase do you find to be incredibly annoying?
"Do you know what you need to do?"

15. Leatherface is in the kitchen. Will you fight to victory, or hide?
Who the fuck is Leatherface? Is he like Hannibal Lector?

16. Do you feel that people underestimate you?
Not really. Although it oft happens that people don't realize my capacity top be mean to them. They for some reason think that they are excluded from that.

17. When you're in a bad mood, what will always put you in a better mood?
Power Pop.

18. Honestly, do you talk about Blogger in real life?
All the time. My ex used to refer to my ramblings rather than "blah bliddy-blah blah" as "blog bliddy-blah blah"

19. Have you met someone online in person?
Yup. I know my neighbors Pant and Kristen from thier old South Carolina based blog, Eggroll, Bagel, Cookie, Vengeance. Now they live three or foor doors down from me. Go figure.

20. When it comes to cybersex, are you game?
Gross. Totally gross. And that's coming from someone oft deemed a "sexual explorative".

21. Do you believe minimum wage should be raised?
Yes. In theory.

22. If someone at a bar gives you "the look" how do you respond to it?
I generally wonder, "Will he make a good story?"

23. Desperation happens. Do you take advantage of desperate people?
Mmm...maybe. I actually don't really know.

24. Pretend you're 15 deep in beers. Describe what you would be doing now?
Pushing some cute hipster against a wall and shoving my tongue in his throat. This is completely hypothetical, by the way.

25. Sometimes people get depressed. Are you the one they turn to?

26. Describe your "style."
Goth Nouveau + Audiophile Chic + T-Shirt Couture.

28. Love and Sex go together. Would you have sex if no love was involved?
What do you mean sex and love? Like incest or something? Gross.

29. Does everyone in your life know the real you?
Hahaha. No. Somehow they don't even though I'm brutally honest about myself.

30. What is something you're afraid of?
Didn't we go over this? Bees, dude. Bees.

31. Did you fuck a married guy last night?
Now that you mention it, I did.

32. Was he extremely attractive?
Yes. Why yes, he was extremely attractive.

33. Was he verging on mentally retarded?
Oh my god, now that you mention it, he was verging on mentally retarded!

34. Did his wife call repeatedly while he continued to try and fuck you with his near flaccid penis which is, as it turned out, not really helped by your several pleas to 'please god answer your fucking phone'?
Oh my god, I think this survey is psychic. It happened just like that!

35. Did he finally answer his phone and say 'Omigod, baby I'm so wasted. Sarah! Sarah! No, I'm sorry. Yeah I'm with Crash. I'm coming home right now, seriously, I'll be home soon. Bye baby, I love you.' and then did not leave, but tried again to fuck you, flaccid penis and all for another half hour before finally putting on all his clothes, save one sock he couldn't find, putting a copy of your card in his wallet, and mid one final finger-bang plead with you to please be his mistress because you give way better head than his teeny blonde and apparently equally as retarded wife, and then leave and turn the wrong way out your front door reeking of whiskey and pussy?
That totally happened. Wow. Erica was right. It really is a great story.

Happy birthday, Meredith.

1 comment:

angelica said...

oh my god miranda. i can't fill this out. i wont have a good married man story :( but damnnnnnn... this shit is funnnnnnnny!