In the last week I am ever so reminded of 88 lines.

Because it all seems that quantifyable lately--like, okay. Across the bar there is a boy, and if you say hi, and if you smile sweetly, that's all it takes to get him in your bed. That's it. Every spring I forget this--that the long days and sunny skys remove any challenge whatsoever; that be it me or all of them or some combination of ye ol' "it all", that the challenge of finding bedfellows in the winter is gone. Poof. I kind of miss it every year, and yet around August when the difficulty returns, when there is waiting and beers and complication and games again, I always regret wishing for something harder.

It is more rewarding though-- I mean, the last three people I've slept with, I've done them all before. Well not litterally...I mean, let's recap. Ricky from 222 Hyde? Oh yeah. The married guy. He is so reminicent of Justin it boggles the mind. Check. Brent from Amber? Need I say more thhan that he is a 23 y/o scorpio singer/songwriter? Oh I do? Oh okay. Yeah, I've done him before when his name was Matthew. They looked so alike it made my skin crawl in the morning when I realized. Oh, and that one.

I might owe someone an apology, bacause both last Monday and this morning when I got up to go to work, guess who was in my bed? Oh, a writer. Named Nicholas. True story. Yeah, I ve definitely been there before.

And so as during every spring when re-runs begin to be re-ran, when they all start looking the same, it's not that I'm regretful or disinterested or spiteful--I'm just wondering why if there all alike--why is this constant cuddling so uncomfortable? I mean, all this kissy-kissy sensitive sex and all of this goddamn cuddling--it seems kind of cheap, you know? Like--you shouldn't be here. Doing this. With me. Like there was someone before all of them that deserved all of this cuddling, and I can remember from years ago all of those whispered I love you's that used to come so easily from me and now is only reserved for my girlfriends. And Shaun.

I mean not that these boys are purely anecdotal, but I mean, where's the story in all of this?
p.s.--Mathisen, as I'm sure you've guessed, that is not you, but unfortunately it is mostly just weird and not at all poignant.

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