RE: The Scariest Post I've Ever Read.

So I was reading one of Mark's posts after posting myself tonight, and I was interested, and happy, and giggling at times.

Unfortunately, I got most of the way through and was unable to finish reading it. Why? Because I read this line.
Go ahead, read it slow. Then read it again. Then get a glass of water or open a beer or something. Then come back and read it again.

Who you are is the price you paid to get what you used to want.

No, I'm not here to explore the validity of your life or mine...well not really. But ponder this:
Did you hear the inference of distaste for things you once wanted upon first reading? Can't you hear that? I can hear, in that fucking line, this kind of unwavering conviction that 'what you used to want' is intrinsically invalid--which leaves who you are now sub-par, at best.

That, I suppose is how cautionary tales and parables operate though--I mean, the idea is to start with an assumption, then elaborate on that assumption until your reader believes the conclusion you are drawing from it is true (yes, I'm aware there's a term for this, but I refuse to use it for two reasons: 1. It's one of those words or phrases like "juxtapose" or "quixotic" or "Murphy's Law" that has a very, very specific meaning--far too specific for general conversation--and yet means something so readily understood that even the average human can manage to say it at least a couple times a day. This is maddening, by the way. 2. Aren't there other types of logic? I mean, I could be a fan of Barker-ian logic, which would of course refer to taking something as far as you can without going over, or Nelson-ian logic, which would be something about elevating something readily available to the public to a level that can be appreciated by academia. Seriously though, prizes to anyone who can name both of thier first names*).

I have two points here.

1. I, like many, don't neccesarily believe in fate, although I am oft quite tickled by coincidence and enjoy making the impossible possible. In this vein, I don't really like to be told what to fear, thus making cautionary tales and moralistic stories, for me, an exercise in bullshit management.

2. I am beginning to wonder if that's what people will say about me--merely that I've been gracious enough to tell you all what I've done so you don't make the same mistakes. For the record, it's not supposed to be like that--think more like the perfect meeting of your favorite bar and your Senior Yearbook pressed in a book. Comfortable, fun, boundless. Un-fucking-believable ("Remember that time Nancy did so much coke we had to throw her out of the car in front of the ER at Harborview? Have a good summer! KIT!"). Awesome. Inspiring. Sad.


Fuck, whatever. Just anything but cautionary.

But I can't help it. Even after all of this ranting about how something I don't believe in can't possibly hold something over me, I'm still thinking the same thing I was when I first glanced at it.

Was it worth it?

*Bob, Sean.

1 comment:

huntsmanic said...

dude, aphorisms are interesting to try and root out the truth of, and this one troubled me too.

Who you are is the price you paid to get what you used to want.

so i sat on it a while, too, and i'll give you my take: i think it's only half-true--it's not really any good as a definer of who you are, and so, eh. but the 2nd + 3rd parts--price you paid + used to want--that has some useful aspects to it. you know, you wanted the degree, so you paid the price of all the learning. you wanted delicious tomatoes fresh off the vine, so you learned to garden. you wanted some coke, so you sucked some cock. but, in terms of practicle value, that particular aphorism [or parabaquip] is limited to a How You Came to Be rather than a What You Be. drug addicts will do bad things for drugs, no shit? gardeners like to eat vegetables? you don't say.