Tomorrow, Arizona. The next day, the world.

What an eventful Valentine's day indeed.

Hmm.

Well, I definitely remember being at Erica's, and I remember the lap dance to Toxic at the Hight Tide--but it's somwhere in transit to Molotov's that it starts to get fuzzy...

This morning saw me shooting out of bed at 10:30 in the morning and immediately calling Mins.

"Hello?"
"Dude. Mindy. Did I see you last night?"
"No. You were all like 'we're on our way to 'Tovs' and that's the last I heard. You sounded pretty wasted."
"Dude, I was freakin' trashed."
"Did you eat yesterday?"
"No."
"Well that'll do it."
"Yeah, I probably should have just picked two of the three instead of drinking wine, whishey, and beer. Just two. I can never remember that."
"You were with Erica?"
"Yeah, and Alex and Mere and...oh my god."
"You didn't fuck that Jew again, did you? I thought we agreed no stoners."
"No, Alex left early. But I think I took his friend home."
"What do you mean You think?"
"Dude, I don't know. Oh my god, I think there was a boy in my bed a few hours ago."
"And you don't know?"
"I'm pretty sure."
"What was his name?"

--M
p.s.--I found out a couple hours later it was Spencer. I am a stone cold slut, although I chock most of it up to the legwarmers. Now if I can just figure out how not to act like a complete idiot around the ones I really like...now that would be perfect. Circle takes the square.
p.p.s.--My Valentine's day plans were indeed thwarted--but not by my lack of TV, but rather because I worked in the morning and so was unable to see my Mom on the Today Show. If that segment even ended up airing. I sure did a bang-up job making up for it, no pun intended.

p.p.p.s. For Shaun--
I love you.

I am so serial right now.

Posted by Antonio this morning:

Feb 12, 2007 12:25 PM
Subject: the what goes on in the lower haight
Body: i missed this by about 10-15 minutes. I need a new place to live.

This is getting fucking retarded you guys. No joke.
Yeah, it was kind of funny when Malibu yelled up at my window trying to get in 'cause there were gunshots down the street. Ha,ha. But now? Well, first some drunk kids drive into Upper Playground and Estellas. Oh, okay. Then a shooting in front of Wallgreens. Hmmm...allright, until people start to go missing. Then four shootings last night topped off with a car crashing into the 71 bus stop right infront of 510/512. What the hell?

There goes the neighborhood.
--M

I was going to do Angelica's, but John's was funnier.

1. HAVE YOU GOTTEN LAID IN 2007?
Yes. Hmmm.

2. EVER HAD SEX IN A PUBLIC PLACE?
Yeah, Including the time I almost got arrested in Mexico.

3. EVER LAUGH DURING SEX?
Funny sex is my favorite.

4. EVER CRY DURING SEX? IF SO, WHY?
Once that I can remember.

5. DO YOU LIKE TO CUDDLE AFTER SEX?
Believe it or not, Yes.

6. EVER REGRET SEX WITH SOMEONE?
Everyone wants me to say the virgin, but I'm gonna go with the Irish guy on this one.

7. EVER FAKED AN ORGASM?
Yes.

8. DIRTY TALK, OR SHUT THE FUCK UP?
Hmm, depends. Usually, I just want to shut the fuck up.

9. EVER HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX:
Yes.

10. EVER MASTERBATE TO YOUR FRIENDS SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
Like...in front of them?

11. EVER HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND?
No. Never. Oh goddammit! Those were my favorite pants!

12. EVER HAVE A THREESOME?
Amazingly enough, only twice. The others involved more people.

13. EVER WATCH PORN DURING SEX?
Yeah, back when I had a TV, I kept it on a rolling cart.

14. EVER THOUGHT OF SOMEONE ELSE DURING SEX?
Actually, I can't remember ever doing this. On that note, it seems like I have.

15. HAS THE CONDOM EVER BROKE?
Yeah, not too long ago, in fact.

16. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRISING SEXUAL EXPERIENCE?
Probably the whole sex with Gabriel/The Rev in the middle of a denial sandwich debaucle.

17. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY?
16.

18. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH RIGHT NOW?
I can only pick one? Fuck, okay. If I get alive or dead, I'm gonna go with Carravagio.

19. DO YOU LIKE 69?
Not when drunk or in the morning.

20. ARE YOU HORNY NOW?
Well, now I am.

21. HOW MANY SEXUAL PARTNERS?
81. Exactly. You can add three superfluous BJ's if you want, which would bring the total to 84.

22. DO YOU LIKE SEX IN THE CAR?
Not particularly. Works in a pinch.

23. DO YOU STILL TALK TO THE PERSON YOU LOST VIRGINITY TO?
Damn, I should have done this survey three weeks ago.

24. EVER HAVE SEX WITH A RELATIVE/FRIENDS SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
While they were dating? Yes--Jason, Jen, Elise, and Jeremaiah. To be fair--Jason's girlfriend Meghan (My old best friend) was watching, Jen and Elise were dating each other, and Shannon and I weren't really friends yet, and aren't anymore because she found out.

25. EVER BEEN WITH A CHEATER?
Probably. Although I've never asked anyone to be monogamous to me. Just don't sleep with my daughters, that's my only rule.

26. TOYS, GOOD OR BAD?
I kinda like the old fashioned way.

27. LINGERIE?
Stockings, yes.

28. EVER SLEEP WITH A CO-WORKER?
Once. And he will forever be known as Flaccid Pants, Sparky, or the slightly obscure--"The H stands for HARD".

WHERE HAVE YOU HAD SEX:
[x] park
[x] pool
[x] hot tub
[] church (I've only ever gotten fingered in a church. Actually, it was my first time.)
[] cemetery
[x] school (The Frida Kahlo Room, haha)
[x] parent’s bed
[x] your bed
[x] car
[] public library
[] in a barn
[x] in front of a window (curtains open)
[x] in front of a window (curtains closed)
[] picnic table
[?] in the snow
[] in a tree
[x] same room while a friend was doin it
[x]same room with a friend watching/listening
[x] kitchen table
[x] kitchen counter
[x] couch/chair
[] pool table
[] on top of a bar inside the house
[] front lawn in daylight
[x] at a relatives house while visiting
[x] on top the roof (San Francisco is a wonderful place)
[] on a bus (school/public/coach)
[x] public restroom
[x] dining room/kitchen table
[x] woods
[] hood of a car
[x] bathroom
[x] shower
[x] the other person’s bed
[x] porch/deck/balcony (Hahahaha)
[x] in a house with parents home
[x] at a party
[x] on top of the washer/dryer
[x] with other people in the room
[x] hotel
[] concert
[] at your workplace (or partner's)
[] grandparent’s house
[] field
[x] beach
[] bleachers
[x] golf course
[] tennis court
[x] elevator
[]parking ramp

Bleachers? Damn, I gotta do that.
--M

The Mindy Veto

Remember when I said I would try?
Dude--I did. But then came the rare but much feared: Best Girlfriend Veto.

Mindy's rationale?
"Dude, he's a stoner. Please, for the love of god, don't date another Clifford.

'Kay. No prob. This is not going to turn into another Sean/John/Brian Fiasco.

So who's left?

Oh yeah. This one, that's right. Did we forget him? Never.

You can also check him out in line 74 in 88 lines. Oh, yeah, I remember you. I remember you even better with your lips on mine on Mindy's birthday. It's funny how she still approves even when he's making out with some chick in the back of the bar when nobodies looking. The funny thing? I see her point. A lot.
--M

For Radost

[I probably should have spent more time on this, but then that would be solid proof that I have too much time on my hands.]
--M

Mama and Me

Oh jesus, my mom's new angle for a story is fucking hilarious.

The idea? The short version is to go on an ass-ton of dates with a bunch of guys, and then write a blog, a series of stories, and one final conclusive hurrah for both the Herald and the Today Show.

The question?

Should I be telling these guys that they're getting written about?

Hmmm. I think I've asked myself that before.

My final answer? If I want to tell, I will. In fact, I usually do. But I figure: if I'm giving up the nay-nee, you can give up your likeness. Even trade, right?

Hers?
Check it out.

Oh, and you can revisit my thoughts on this particular topic too, if you wanna.

xoxo
--M

p.s.--Get ready Arizona bitches, we're gonna tear up the Mondrian.

Contractual Sex: Part II

Remember our discussion on contractual sex? That being of all kinds?

Oh.
Right.
Yeah.

Anyway, so I’m kind of coming back to this--in a way, anyway.

Here’s my angle—

There is a definite stigma against every encompassing genre of…
[drumroll please…]
Hotel Sex.
Specifically when it is, in many ways, kind of obligatory.
I said kind of.
What does this really entail? Hmmm. Well, there are a few saving graces—being:
1. I did not get paid for it.
2. I got totally wasted for the ten bucks I chipped in for a bottle of vodka.

and, well, that’s pretty much it. The definite cons?
1. I looked like a ho walking out of the ***** at 3 in the morning with one of the doormen.
2. I didn’t get breakfast in the morning.

The pro’s?
1. I got a most excellent story out of it.
2. I made [sex/nasty/right] with an old, but good, fuck buddy.

Here’s the really interesting part—the whole occasion spurned some very poignant, however off topic, conversation. For the sake of all the employees involved in said on-the-clock-sex-travaganza and their internet savvy bosses (long story…), let’s just call the particular boy I’m having the conversation with “Jeremy”, and the boy I refer to, “Oliver”.

M: “Dude, I need to party like this more often.”
J: “Yeah. Dude, you used to all the time. Every night.”
M: “Yeah, dude. I know. You know Oliver called me a sell out? True story.”
J: “Oliver? When?”
M: “A couple months ago.”
J: “And it’s still bothering you?”
M: “Well, yeah. I guess. Jeremy? Do you really think I’m a sell out?”
J: “I don’t know. You do have a phat apartment.”
M: “Yeah, I mean, I don’t sleep on bunk beds, haha.”
J: “He’s probably just jealous. I don’t understand how he handles that whole bunk bed thing.”
M: “I feel like the same old me.”
J: “Well, if it helps any, you feel like the same old you to me, haha.”
M: “Yeah, there you go. I am the same old me. Just with more expensive pajamas.”
J: “Yeah, and really—how long do those stay on anyway?”

Good point.
Lessons learned?
That maybe my trip to Scottsdale will be far more fun than I had anticipated--even with the prospect of seeing Daniel, Ed and Carrie.

God save the Queen.
--M
p.s.—I think there might be something intrinsically wrong with the fact that he was on the clock—but I s’pose it doesn’t matter. Whatever dude—just get it, as Renee would say.

p.p.s.—Angelica could unfortunately not attend. Too bad—‘cause as the blonde girl in the suite on E noted: “An orgy sounds good right now!”

p.p.p.s.--I gotta find a TV and soon--or my Valentine's Day plans might be thwarted.

February breaks.

Wow. Haven't done this in a while. Let's make it a dozen, instead of 10.

1. I made it. I finally made it to Miami for Rob's birthday. It's been amazing, and I can't figure out if I want to go home tomorrow or not.
2. Miami is just like I remember, except different. All the little barista's who used to be under the firm thumb of Rob and I are now all managers and stuff. Like Baby Tony--he's a shift lead now.
3. Brandon finished Nursing school and works at a hospital much to the lament of my broke co-workers and I who wish to be bespectacled with designer sunglasses purchased with his old discount.
4. My mom is doing a piece for the Herald about internet dating, and it's all the buzz on the beach right now. She's like freakin' famous.
5. Oh!! We got tattoos; Rob and I each got two. Wanna see?


6. I'm getting more tattoo's today. What? Oh, I don't know yet. Probably my SF tattoo and some krelbow (inside your elbow) fill in.
8. Oh, right! My tattoo artist down here is quite possibly the coolest guy I've ever met in Miami. wait, this deserves a seperate list.
a. His name is Tim Davis, and he told me there used to be a tattoo parlor run by a crackhead above Walgreens on Haight and Fillmore.
b. He also lived on Haight and Fillmore, and I was like: Oh my god! Me too--I lived above the indian restaraunt." and he was like: "Oh my god. Me Too." That's right everyone, he is another holy member of the 525.
c. Did you hear that? We lived in the same apartment.
d. Oh, and he knows Stu downstairs at Toronado. I have a message to deliver to him.
e. I totally abused him giving me his number--I called last night to see if I could get some more work done today. He said I could, tee-hee.
9. In the long long ago, I was at Spec's with Nicholas, and he ripped this out of the Onion and gave it to me. It's so mine, and furthermore, I need it for BONYCD.
10. Eloy's having a baby. Sweet.

11. Shit...I really need to figure out what tats I'm getting today. Oh, and guess what else? Angelica's staying in SF!!
12. Do you have plans for Valentines Day?


I do.

--M