This morning I layed around in Ben's apartment playing with Archie the Poodle and shooting the shit about our old crew.

I had forgotten how many buddies we have in common because technically, this is the first time Ben and I have lived in the same city. First time. In the four years I've known him. True story.

This went on for some time, you know, like: How's Al? Have you seen him? I haven't seen Tommie in six months. Did you hear what he did at Gav and Toby's house? Yeah totally. Have you met Jenna? What's Gav like behind the bar? Really? JD? Jesus, I haven't even thought of that guy in a while. You mean Metro Kyle? Wait, Spokane Mike lives in SF? When's the last time you saw Audio? Wait, which Gabe? Hatter or the Rev? He's still with Amy? Wow.

You get it.

But then it degenerated into shit like "Remember that time Jeremiah accused you of stealing his toothbrush?" and then we get to the point where I no longer know how to navigate the conversation.

I've spoken of the Harrison debaucle before, and I'm still opposed to choosing sides. Yeah, I've heard them both and they both make sense, and they're brothers for chrissakes. If I liked one of them, why wouldn't I like them both? I mean, they have similar senses of humor, similar demeanor, and probably the biggest thing they have in common is that they're both my friends. And they don't speak to each other.

In my inaugural days of hearing the full extent of thier falling out, I thought maybe it was reconcilable, but maybe it's not. In the mean time I fear it's a self fullfilling prophecy that one or the other of them will finally draw the line with me--and it will likely be because I've managed to put my foot in my mouth once again, offended one of them by bringing the other into the conversation or talking myself into a corner where I have to admit I've been hanging out with the other. It's happened before, and I don't doubt that when it happens again and again it will be increasingly explosive.

It's hard being on the outside of it all, but I guess I can use it as a good reminder on how and how not to navigate being on the inside; meaning I can't let people get me on the defense when I'm much more apt to defend.

Take that as you will.

[p.s.--on the upside, i'm clearly no longer paralyzed with indecision. i chose. whether i chose wisely or not remains to be seen. xo--M]

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