12.01.2008

Rather Quite and the Two Christmases

December 1, 2008

This morning in the Pike Place Market, local philanthropist Audobon Poe was seen savagely beating male model Apollo Quite with a phone book. Quite, who also happens to be the younger brother of King 5 news broadcaster Rather Quite, was taken to Harborview and cannot be reached for comment. "We were just shopping and stuff," says Clever-Ann Rhymes, who was strolling with the assailed at the time, "and right when I reached in my purse to grab my flask, BAM! Fuck man, that dude came out of nowhere." Rhymes describes Poe as, quote: "old and gross", but lacks the ability to elaborate further on the incident. Poe was released on bail this evening, the money posted by none other than Rather Quite himself. When asked why he would want his brothers assailant released, he only repeated the phrase, quote: "who's clever now you fucking two-timing bitch" about five or six times. It is not known whether Rhymes and [Rather] Quite are still deeply intoxicated at time of print, but it is being reported by Harborview staff that [Apollo] Quite is, quote: "pretty doped up."

--M

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