5.14.2012

The Purge Part 9: Secrets.

This is a post about purging secrecy.

Like I said in the last post I've been very busy and very sick and so have not been posting much. A bit of a cop out, yes, but I thought I'd use the relative lull in readers to come clean. For every one of these purge posts there's just a little something I left out that was either seemingly boring or I couldn't bear to actually put on the internet. I cleaned my apartment today, and I think it's time to clean my glass house. Of its closet skeletons.

Ahem.

Part 1.
What I failed to mention is that I am terrified that I will never find that kind of love again. Furthermore, I am even more terrified that I will find it, bear a child, and then be, for whatever reason, left alone with that child. Sometimes I fear that this will happen in a foreign country. This makes it hard for me to date a guy from the UK (which I do).

Part 2.
Okay, so yes, I am seeing the boy described in this piece again. We went on hiatus for six weeks or so while I figured out how to take care of myself without him. I never said that I didn't actually think I could take care of myself, nor did I say that I actually thought we'd never see each other again. He can still stand me which seems insane, but hey, what are you gonna do. His name is Keil, by the way. He's not the British one.

Part 3.
I wrote this in bed one night after changing my sheets. I was not alone in it. Michael was there too, and after an hour of laying about in my bed talking about how insane he gets when he's been drinking, I asked him if he was planning on kissing me. He did. I was naked in minutes. This was three weeks after I swore that he'd never so much as see my bed again. Here's the kicker--after that night, he dropped me, not the other way around. Did he plan the whole thing just to have the chance to dump me? I like to think so sometimes because as long as it was calculated to exact vengeance then I can totally respect that.

Part 4.
Seriously, my boobs look horrible.


Part 5.
Jenny. Rich. Keil.

Part 6.
I once wrote that I was finally willing to let my friends die if the choice was between their death and me saving them from suicide. I'm not sure if I meant it at the time, but I fucking mean it now. I fucking dare you to try and call me before you kill yourself. I have taken that phone call/letter/email one too many times in my life and I do not suggest that you chose me to reach out to in this event now--because I will seriously fucking let you die.

Part 7.
And we also work together. Oops. But I threw away all my black nail polish, so I should be fine.

Part 8.
They are green again this week, because I really need a good week.

One more of these, guys.
--M

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