10.30.2012

Because the world needs to know.

These were the posts of  Buddy Toth during hurricane Sandy. Wherever you are now Buddy, our hearts are with you.

Storm date 107: The power has been out for over an hour. I should showered last week when I had the chance. Despite the rumors, you can't just eat bagel bites straight out of the freezer, you really do need a microwave.

Storm date 109: I've traded several rolls of toilet paper with some local marauders, in exchange they will spare our house. Their leader, "Bloodtooth", has warned that they will return as they see fit. And just yesterday I was watching Spongebob.

Storm date 117: Neighbor complained of a cough earlier this week, I did what had to be done. He was basically dead anyways, now he will provide me with much needed calories as I forge ahead toward rebuilding civilization. Life. Finds. A. Way.

Storm date 124: "Tyler Perry presents: Buddy's shadow puppet reenactment of Madea Goes to Jail" has been a phenomenal blunder. God forbid I try to bring some laughter to these trying times.

Storm date 513: Lessons learned: 1) when lighting a fire in a barrel the barrel should not be plastic. 2) when lighting a fire in a barrel in your home you should have proper ventilation. 3) do not light a fire in a barrel in your home.

Storm date 584: Bloodtooth returned, apparently it was just my neighbor, Kevin. I have now joined his group of bandits. Thanks Kev!

Storm date 654: I've ripped every inch of copper wire out of my walls and fashioned it into weapons and a suit of armor for when Bloodtooth returns. If only the power would come back on I could- oh shit.

Storm date 677: How am I supposed to finish my body painting in the dark? I CANNOT CREATE IN THIS ENVIRONMENT!

Storm date 687: Coffee grounds used up. Ground up Cheeto's are not a good substitute. This is a serious waste of the generator.

Storm date 666: After several ghost sightings, a demon who refers to himself as Astaroth has tried to take possession of me. Thankfully I've convinced him to take my 10 year old sister instead.

Storm date 698: This gallon of white vinegar, being the only drinkable liquid left, will be my only sustenance. How much can one safely consume in a sitting? Time will tell.

Storm date 949: Upon further inspection the Owl in my kitchen is NOT my spirit guide as I had previously thought. It is, in fact, just a very frightened (and violent) owl that got into a kitchen.

Storm date 988: They all laughed at me for my monthly subscription to Penthouse. "Use the Internet!" they said. Who's laughing now fella's?

Storm date 1002: Silver lining, I finally have time to organize my Pokemon cards. Next stop: Pog-town.

Storm date 1005: I have burned all of my clothing for warmth as President Obama advised. I may be nude, but I'll be warm. Your move, Sandy. 

Your move indeed.

--M

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Funny. Really funny. Benny

Miranda Moure said...

This dudes posts were fucking priceless. I couldn't helpuself, lol.